Werkin’ it

Since I started exercising and logging calories 12 days ago, I’ve lost 8 pounds.  I’m pretty sure most of that is water weight, because the first five bounced off after two days.  The other three have taken a little longer to come off.  I have only eaten out once in that entire time, when I treated myself to sushi lunch the Friday before last.  I’ve also exercised just about every day, I think I’ve only taken three days off.  I’ve either walked or gone swimming each day.  When I started swimming, I did five laps in 28 minutes.  On Friday, I did nine complete laps in 32 minutes, so I’m getting faster and my endurance is rapidly increasing.  When I started walking, I could walk a winded twenty minute mile.  Now I can walk a sixteen minute mile and feel great still.

Last time I did a weight loss journey, I didn’t exercise hardly at all.  All in all, I prefer the swimming, because it goes by a lot quicker and is a lot less stressful on my heavy body than walking is.  Plus, I like swimming at Big Stacy pool; it’s all older folks who have less-than-perfect bodies that swim there, so I don’t feel so hideously ugly and out of place, like I do when I’m walking the trails with all the fit stay-at-home supermoms with their jogging strollers and dogs on a leash.  Everyone at Big Stacy is super friendly, and I feel totally at home there.

It feels good to be exercising and getting myself back into shape.  I’m glad I’m using my time of unemployment towards that, and I wonder how I’m going to maintain it once I get a job again.  I’ve decided to start looking for work from home jobs, because I think I want to stay home to enable myself to get in shape, and then raise the next baby at home whenever s/he decides to make an appearance.  I’ve also looked at becoming a doula, though figuring out where to stash my baby for the 10-24hrs I’m with a woman in labor is presenting an issue, so that may be out.  I’m going to read some books and see what I think.  I also need to see if I can pick up some freelancing jobs to bring in a little extra dough.  Surely I can do some transcription work or something.

But, on the whole, life is really good.  I wish I had a little more money, but we’re paying the bills and keeping food on the table, and that’s the important bit.  Some day I’ll have a little left over to do something fun, like get my hair done, or buy something fun and stupid.  For now, I’m just trying to concentrate on not eating out and keeping us within a budget.  It’s harder than it looks!  We’ll get there, though; I know I can turn this ship around with a little more effort.  Hopefully it doesn’t come down to taking Riko out of daycare, but if we have to do that, we have to do that, and he and I will have a good time together.  It is $620 I could be saving each month, which would help us out a lot.  I keep him in there though so he can get the socialization he needs and educational benefits of being in a more structured environment.  I just don’t know that I’m a very good teacher.  Bob agreed to give me a month to turn things around with a budget and cutting out eating out and Starbucks…I’ve got a little over two weeks left to make that a reality.

Yesterday I began taking prenatal vitamins at the recommendation of my new OBGYN.  She recommended taking them for three months before trying to get pregnant, so here I am, vitamin-ing it up.  The closer I get to actually taking out the IUD and trying for another baby though, the more hesitant I get.  Like, “do I really want to do this?”  I believe I do.  I believe Riko should have a sibling.  I miss having a baby.  But, I’m also starting to get some sense of autonomy again, some freedom back to do the things I want, and having a baby will definitely monkey with that.  It won’t forever, it’s just a year where I’m sucked away completely, then I start getting my life back.  And then I’m done!  Then I have two awesome kids who are hilarious and beautiful.  And between the two of them, someone will take care of me when I’m old, as long as I don’t piss them off too bad.  Right?

All I have to do right now is focus on today, though.  Focus on my exercising, on taking care of myself, on maybe bringing in a little extra income, on cooking dinner and keeping my family happy.  It’s a pretty good life to have, right now, aside from occasionally stressing about money.  And today is a beautiful day!  It’s in the low 70s here in Austin and it’s just gorgeous outside.  I’ve opened up the house, turned off the A/C, and am thawing a beautiful steak to cook on the grill tonight.  I think I have some free floating anxiety going on though because both Bob and Riko aren’t feeling good; Bob’s been asleep since 10am (he did get up with Riko for me this morning, yay!), and Riko has a fever of 101.5*, plus he’s been asleep for the last two hours, too.  Poor dudes.  Bob also gets all crabby when he doesn’t feel well, which can cause us to be on edge around each other.

Perhaps I’m on edge because I’m kind of bored.  I did walk this morning but it wasn’t as intensive as I would have liked, so I’m not feeling the usual rush of endorphins I’m used to.  Next week I’m going to step it up – I’m hoping to walk the 3 mile trail at the lake, and get up to 12 complete laps at the pool.  It’s annoying that I’m going to have to work harder and harder to get that carrot, that little rush of endorphins that I crave, that exhaustion that tells me I’m doing something good.  A one mile walk won’t cut it anymore.  But it’s good, it’s good that I’m stepping it up, it’s good that I’m pushing myself and getting in shape again.

Well, Riko has finally awoken from his nap, and is demanding cuddles, so I’m going to oblige him, for he is cute.